Crap English as spoken by native speakers of English

Dishcloths may indeed be disgusting, however so is the grammar, spelling and punctuation of this guy.

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"i (sic) no (sic) most of us have done it this way for so long it does come to us as a shock that there are so much germs getting sperd (sic) around but (but?) by this way how do they propose that we do our cleaning we have to have the germs to fight of germs i think that if we keep being so clean that we are going end up with so many new desiezers (er, what?) and some new streans (streans?) of bugs we are going to have to come up with new ways of fighting these off so lets just carry on with how we have been doing this for years because this is a loseing (sic) battle brent" (Brent, can you read this without pausing? Please, give us a comma or two!)

Crap English as spoken by native speakers of English

Commenting on political sanctions New Zealand has placed on Fiji, in response to the military coup in December 2006, one forum contributor to the TV3 news website wrote:

"Political pontifacting (sic) again.Just chop off giving them OUR taxpayers money,any figis (sic) in NZ on welfare sent (sic) them packing with 1 way ticket,end of storey (sic)."

Good on you, Bruce.

Crap English, as spoken by native speakers of English

Another gem from a reader of the TV3.co.nz website... makes me giggle that she talks about parents needing to "educate there kids" and that people need to be "tought a lesson"! Some grammar corrections have been made, and are in red... actually, I got bored with correcting this one, so there are some errors not corrected!

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"Unbelievable! Whay (sic) is this happening? Little girls wanting attention & not getting it. The people i feel sorry for (are) the falsely accused & the actual victims. What is happeing (sic) in the home for gilrs (sic) to do this (?). The parents need to step up & educate there (sic) kids i feel. Can you imagone (sic) what thd (sic) would do to an accused family & reputation!? it is wrong & sholud (be) delt (sic) with as a crime. One women has been let off for what she has done to a police officer, people need to be tought (sic) a lesson. I dont (sic) know bout everyone else but i (am) sick of my tax money going towards these sick cliam (sic)."

Crap English, as spoken by native speakers of English

Native speakers of English often complain about "foreigners" who don't English properly.

This gem, comes from the a colleague of mine, a "Kiwi"...

My colleague was looking at a report that had landed on her desk. After a couple of minutes of looking at the report, she started complaining about the contents, but admitted that she hadn´t "looked at it through a toothbrush"!

An epilogue, of sorts

My ex-boss is now working in another branch of the company, as a part time teacher. Apparently neither the centre director nor the academic manager can work well with him.

Another thing that smegs me off

Students who arrive late to class (10,15, 20 or even 30 minutes late), and expect it to not be a problem.

What's smegging me off today

I'm smegged off with teachers who flirt with the students.

Hypocracy

I had a all staff meeting at 7 o'clock this morning, and one of the themes the director talked about was starting the classes on time. Cool, I have no problem with that, as I am probably one of the most punctual teachers in the centre.

The meeting was supposed to finish at 8 o'clock, in time for classes to start, but only one quarter of the teachers who had classes at this time were ready to start. The remainder, including the Manager, were either chatting in the meeting room, or having a smoke.

Smegged off? You bet!